Wiped! by Rebecca Eckler

Author:Rebecca Eckler
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fiction
ISBN: 9781588366092
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 2008-10-31T04:00:00+00:00

May 16

“So, what are we doing for dinner tonight?” I say when I call the Fiancé.

“I don’t know. What do you want to do?”

“Do you want to go out for dinner?” I ask.

“I guess so.” See? I told you the “this is the last time—ever—we’re going out with her” wouldn’t stick. The Fiancé can be a pushover.

Dinner is another disaster. Babies are not good customers in restaurants, which is why the Fiancé and I are now officially the World’s Best Tippers. Our tips are in proportion to how messy and misbehaved the baby is. The messier and more misbehaved she is, the bigger the tip we give. We’ve tipped waiters up to 50 percent on really bad outings. In fact, I don’t understand why waiters don’t like having people like us, people who bring children, coming in. Sure, babies make huge messes and dump entire bowls of rice on the floor. But in return, the waiters get huge tips.

We stay home the following night, ordering in Thai food.

We both feel a bit like inmates serving a jail term. It might be six years before the Dictator behaves well in a restaurant.

Maybe we should send her to etiquette classes. I wonder if there are any etiquette classes for babies less than a year old out there. You know, “Throwing bowl across room is bad. Putting napkin on lap is good.”

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